Curiously South African

Noticeable differences between life in Europe and life in South Africa as experienced by a volunteer.

- One can be thrown in jail for using plastic bags. (Littering carries a life-sentence I think)
- South Africans drive on the left side of the road. This is not a huge problem, despite being completely daft, since they do the same in Botswana and Zimbabwe.
- South Africans do not like British people. (Curious given the above statement)
- 83% of white South Africans feel a need to live in the UK. (Even more curious given the above statement…but at least they know how to drive)
- It is a sign of manhood to drink mixed drinks. Coke and rum or a G&T are preferred. Beer is for girls.
- Ketchup is an unknown substance. You want some to go with your fries, ask for “tomato sauce”.
- Riding in the back of a pick-up truck or “bakkie” is common practice and even legal. Piling it full of children is preferred as they tend to fly further but don’t hit the ground as hard as an adult.
- If it don’t say “Hilux” on the back of your truck, it don’t mean shit son.
- Overland safari trucks are legal target practice to ease in that new .375 rifle or sub-machine gun.
- Traffic lights are called “robots” in South Africa. Yep, they really are on top of the latest technological advancements. VHS players are the ultimate in home entertainment.
- One can buy nearly everything at the robots. In dire need of a coathanger or a cell-phone charger? Just stop at the red light, bru.
- People casually use highways as sidewalks. Hilarity ensues.
- There are 11 official languages. Those Belgians are whiny little girls.
- The official past time for all South Africans is “braai-ing” or having a barbeque.
- Use of a gas braai/bbq is punishable by death and mockery.
- Using coals and firestarters (those white cubes) is how women and insecure men light fires.
- “Manly men” only need wet wood, a mixed drink and some toenail clippings to start a roaring fire that will last for 27 days.
- There is a National Braai Day. Archbishop Desmond Tutu is its patron. Seriously.
- South Africa can boast to having both the best and worst politicians in the entire world.
- Every single televised event, be it sports, glamour or music is sponsored by one of the, or a combination of, the following companies: SASOL, Vodacom or SAB Miller.
- South Africa is innovative: they invented Kreepy Krauly’s to keep our pools clean (and the kids entertained), x-rays and managed to first successful heart transplant. To top it off they also invented some amazing AIDS cures such as onions, potatoes and garlic.
- Best meat tradition in the world. Those Germans have got nothing on this. Boerewors is the finest sausage on earth and biltong (dried meat) kicks jerky’s ass every time. South Africans keep the most impressive dogs in the world. Most of them can also eat you whole. The boerbul comes first to mind – think hound of the Baskervilles only bigger, or Staffordshire terriers or steffies – my personal favourite cuddly toy and good for taking out cobras, lions and burglars.
- South Africa can boast more ways of killing a person than any other nation, past, present and future: the deadliest snakes on the planet (black mamba anyone?); the most aggressive land mammals (just try the Big 5), the most lethal mammal on the continent, the hippo; malaria (800,000 African children a year); AIDS (just eat an onion!); the most dangerous roads after Iraq; the dodgiest cities in Africa...and killer lightning which fries 200 people annually. Beat that suburbs of Paris!!

Now all these facts contribute to making life down here very interesting, although sometimes you can't stop to think how interesting something is because you better start running.